Sex for me has never been our problem. The only problem that we have ever had is that you prefer other men.”“No, that’s wrong. I have never preferred other men. It’s just that I have to have them.”“You really believe that, don’t you?”“It’s the way it is. I don’t choose to be like this. It’s the way I am.” Sue just looked at me waiting for me to reply but I said nothing and just looked back at her. After a while, she continued, “I know you pretend to hate it but I know that you actually enjoy it. It makes you horny. You get turned on by it.”“No, I don’t. It sickens me and I feel disgusted by the thought of you being with other men.”“That’s what you say but I know different. Every time that I came home and you knew that I’ve been used you got turned on.” Once again she stopped talking and just looked at me then after a short time she continued. “You get so turned on by the thought of it that you can’t even last more than a minute after you enter me after another man has used me. You. Am I still not doing it right, I mean bonding with you, giving you warmth?” “You’re taking great care of me, dad. Feeding me, washing me, shaving me. I really appreciate it. But it feels sterile. It often feels like I’m a patient.”I can’t help but feel hurt. I’m doing all these things for her and Ava is still not happy. “I’m sorry Ava, I didn’t realise.” “That’s alright, dad.” “How can I do better?” “I’ve already told you. My best memories with mom are when we did nudist activities together. It felt so free, so light and cosy to be nude together and to cuddle. Now, I’m nude and you’re wearing clothes. It’s almost like you’re a doctor. It feels like you’re on a different level, disconnected from me. I can’t feel the warmth. I need some cuddles and hugs. Especially now that mom’s gone. The wound of her loss is so fresh.” Ava starts sobbing, tears are running down her cheeks. I’m hugging her, holding her, giving her a kiss on her cheek: “Oh, honey.”“Dad, would you mind? You know, cuddle.
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